Show, Don't Tell...

Check out our writing from term 2. The goal was to use all of the techniques we know to up-level our work, and describe a character feeling through their actions/facial expressions/voice...

The theme was war and conflict...

Dead Soldier's

Fatigue/Tiredness

His last shot echoes out. Not long to go now, he thinks to himself. The eerie silence around him is occasionally fractured by the screams of men or a barrage of gunfire. Shots ring through his ears, he hauls his legs behind him, tripping over his friends lying on the hard ground, quiet. He envies them. Dragging himself upright, he slowly unclips the magazine, legarthic from long nights of broken sleep.

Wearily nudging his rifle over the edge of the trench, he takes aim, unconcerned by the multiple mangled corpses dangling off the barbed wire. A sharp pain pulls him out of his dreary world. The words barely escape his lips before the darkness consumes him.

“Not long to go now”.

Horatio

Good bye..."defeat"

Tears dripping off my face into my open wound. It hurts but I've had to many close calls. I don't care. I think about my family and more tears drip down but this time they fall on my friend. I get onto my knees and I carefully take his dog tag. I think to myself “I might as well take mine off” too... we’re all dead anyway.

Nathan

The rampaging war

I slam on the ground while my heart’s pounding, like a herd of elephants. Boom, Crash, Bang. My feelings rush out my head like a river unceremoniously rushing down the riverbed. Eyes wide, face red hot, and I think I’ve gone deaf from the shouting gun shots. Glaring in shock at the sky, as bits of shrapnel and bullet shells land right beside my hip. Dropping like flies as the sound of gunfire surrounds my ears. The thought of getting shot is unbearable. I try to stand up, but fail. All my muscles feel as weak as a struggling baby horse, as I silently lie in the thick long grass.

Jaike

I’m Zoning Out

"Pain"

The glass window of my mind was being shot at by my heart below.  My head pounding with something abnormal.

Thud, thud, thud, my boots trek along the stony dirt.  

I can’t capture any thoughts, as my heart tears apart.  

Slowly,  my vision zones out.

Agonizing and continuous, my skin feels as though it’s burning while by bones ache.  Head so tender, mind so down.

A dark cloud captures and gathers over my mind.

My head throbbing as the glass window of my mind is being shot at by my heart below.

Grace